WTF is wrong with me?!
Why can't I let my past remain a memory, and not a figment of the present?
Dec 4, 2010
Aug 19, 2010
Goodbye, New York
Today is my last day in the greatest city on earth.
While I used to think that phrase for the five boroughs was trite, I've come to realize the truth in it. No where else can you seamlessly work, play, network and find yourself.
My internship opened my eyes to an industry that I was interested in, but really knew nothing about. My living situation imparted me with lessons on what's possible with roommates after undergrad. I got a first look on what dating actually is, and what it can become. I rode trains with babies, trust fund brats, pregnant 16 year-olds, millionaires and the homeless. And there is nothing that comes close to the city nightlife.
Most importantly, this summer gave me a chance to finally break free from my responsibilities to others. The first summer away from family and friends. I could come and go as I pleased, wear whatever wanted, without fear from my peers. This summer was one of my own personal expression.
I don't know what's in store for me this year, or where I'll end up after graduation. But I do know that whatever I'll do, I'll do it damn well. Goodbye, Brooklyn.
While I used to think that phrase for the five boroughs was trite, I've come to realize the truth in it. No where else can you seamlessly work, play, network and find yourself.
My internship opened my eyes to an industry that I was interested in, but really knew nothing about. My living situation imparted me with lessons on what's possible with roommates after undergrad. I got a first look on what dating actually is, and what it can become. I rode trains with babies, trust fund brats, pregnant 16 year-olds, millionaires and the homeless. And there is nothing that comes close to the city nightlife.
Most importantly, this summer gave me a chance to finally break free from my responsibilities to others. The first summer away from family and friends. I could come and go as I pleased, wear whatever wanted, without fear from my peers. This summer was one of my own personal expression.
I don't know what's in store for me this year, or where I'll end up after graduation. But I do know that whatever I'll do, I'll do it damn well. Goodbye, Brooklyn.
Aug 5, 2010
NQRW
The train is such a different place
Than reality.
All of us forced to
Sit
And
Sit
And
Sit
And acknowledge that our only mission
Is to go.
Than reality.
All of us forced to
Sit
And
Sit
And
Sit
And acknowledge that our only mission
Is to go.
Jul 14, 2010
What Is This Feeling?: Beta
Said dude hit me up today via chat.
We had good conversation, although I was somewhat a mess and wasn't as coherent as I'd like, due to my intense level of excitement for him and interest in what he was up to.
Hopefully this story continues . . . but for now, I'm feeling good, feeling great!
Audiogasm of the moment: Dance - Danny Brown
We had good conversation, although I was somewhat a mess and wasn't as coherent as I'd like, due to my intense level of excitement for him and interest in what he was up to.
Hopefully this story continues . . . but for now, I'm feeling good, feeling great!
Audiogasm of the moment: Dance - Danny Brown
Absolutely Lovely
I am addicted to caffeine. Not coffee, although it is tasty, but espresso.
Coffee lacks the caffeine content that espresso so easily contains. About a fourth of a cup punches my brain in the face and is able to energize me for the entire day.
So when I recently visited a friend at his father's house in Long Island, I was introduced to an important little guy. Meet the Moka pot:
A beautiful (and for me, important) application of physics. Water is poured into the bottom compartment and ground espresso beans are placed in the center compartment. When placed over heat, the pressure created in the bottom compartment by the steam forces water up a shaft and passes through the grounds to create rich, aromatic espresso. At home. Amazing!
Also, these little guys are cheap! You can dish out a bit more for a more "modern" looking pot, but the simplicity of the traditional pots is beautiful to me. They're used all over the world, but especially in Europe and in the Caribbean (Cuba, DR). I have plans to go to my neighborhood bodega and scoop myself my own pot as well as a can of Bustelo, which is so instrumental to my caffeine intake that it deserves its own post.
Felix's father made us espresso drinks early in the morning before our trek to La Guardia. First he prepared the espresso in the Moka pot and in another pan, combined some condensed milk with regular milk. Bringing the milks up to temperature over low heat, he then added the espresso to the milk mixture. The result: a deliciously sweet, rich and quick date with a Dominican style latte.
Many thanks to the Lopez family and my own little Feeferton for sharing their home with me. Nothing like a cure for homesickness!
Coffee lacks the caffeine content that espresso so easily contains. About a fourth of a cup punches my brain in the face and is able to energize me for the entire day.
So when I recently visited a friend at his father's house in Long Island, I was introduced to an important little guy. Meet the Moka pot:
A beautiful (and for me, important) application of physics. Water is poured into the bottom compartment and ground espresso beans are placed in the center compartment. When placed over heat, the pressure created in the bottom compartment by the steam forces water up a shaft and passes through the grounds to create rich, aromatic espresso. At home. Amazing!
Also, these little guys are cheap! You can dish out a bit more for a more "modern" looking pot, but the simplicity of the traditional pots is beautiful to me. They're used all over the world, but especially in Europe and in the Caribbean (Cuba, DR). I have plans to go to my neighborhood bodega and scoop myself my own pot as well as a can of Bustelo, which is so instrumental to my caffeine intake that it deserves its own post.
Felix's father made us espresso drinks early in the morning before our trek to La Guardia. First he prepared the espresso in the Moka pot and in another pan, combined some condensed milk with regular milk. Bringing the milks up to temperature over low heat, he then added the espresso to the milk mixture. The result: a deliciously sweet, rich and quick date with a Dominican style latte.
Many thanks to the Lopez family and my own little Feeferton for sharing their home with me. Nothing like a cure for homesickness!
Jul 8, 2010
What Is This Feeling?
Two posts back to back?? Shit's getting crazy, haha.
I've been in a funk lately, which may in fact be due to a little something something that I HOPE is just a figment of my imagination and a sick joke played on me by my body.
I digress.
However, a second feeling is one of longing. A way that I haven't felt in a very long time, probably since sophomore year.
Can you be so mentally and physically attracted to someone who you've only spoken to privately for about 15 minutes? Can you?!
I never thought so. Until it happened to me. And now, I think about him almost every day. At my internship, on the train, waiting in line at the grocery store, during my workouts. It's crazy. I'm crazy.
He's a bit older. And currently lives many miles away. And hopefully has no idea.
Favorable qualities: introverted, thoughtful, funny, soothing, playful, body's a little thick. (Mind you this is based off a 15 minute interaction. CRAZY)
I was just so satisfied after that 15-minute conversation. Intellectually, musically, emotionally calm. I didn't realize it until this summer, and now I have an insatiable thirst to get to know him better.
I usually have gut feelings when I meet people, and they're usually true. But never have I experienced anything like this. I know it's not love at first sight, but it's much more than lust. What is it?
I've been in a funk lately, which may in fact be due to a little something something that I HOPE is just a figment of my imagination and a sick joke played on me by my body.
I digress.
However, a second feeling is one of longing. A way that I haven't felt in a very long time, probably since sophomore year.
Can you be so mentally and physically attracted to someone who you've only spoken to privately for about 15 minutes? Can you?!
I never thought so. Until it happened to me. And now, I think about him almost every day. At my internship, on the train, waiting in line at the grocery store, during my workouts. It's crazy. I'm crazy.
He's a bit older. And currently lives many miles away. And hopefully has no idea.
Favorable qualities: introverted, thoughtful, funny, soothing, playful, body's a little thick. (Mind you this is based off a 15 minute interaction. CRAZY)
I was just so satisfied after that 15-minute conversation. Intellectually, musically, emotionally calm. I didn't realize it until this summer, and now I have an insatiable thirst to get to know him better.
I usually have gut feelings when I meet people, and they're usually true. But never have I experienced anything like this. I know it's not love at first sight, but it's much more than lust. What is it?
Coffeeshop Thought
My twenty-first July 4th has come and gone. This summer, more than any other, I've realized the incredible growth that I've experienced since moving from Los Angeles.
My sense of self-worth has never been higher. It seems like a lifetime ago when I lived a life and believed in ideas that were dominated by others. While I am positive that this growth was able to occur only after my father's departure from my family, I sometimes wonder who that 11 year old girl would have became if otherwise. "I'd have 2 babies by now if I stayed in LA" is a joke I've used with various friends, but there lies real truth behind it.
I have this theory that because my father so blatantly belittled my being I ran and looked to the opposite sex for comfort and affirmation in my beauty and ability. It is the cliche "daddy issue", but I'm not embarrassed to say that it was my own.
I don't hate him, nor do I ever wish that he wasn't biologically responsible for me. Because for all that it's worth, I am a product of him. Through his neglect, I was able to find independence; through his abuse, I was able to find my own strength. I, however, do not love him. When speaking of him, it is hard to refer to him as my "father". He has sinced moved back to Nigeria, and started a third life for himself there.
Today, I see myself in this light: I am able-bodied, I am educated, I am passionate, and I am capable. I see my flaws, which are my impatience and my self-isolationist habits. I still mistrust and distance myself from everyone other than my mother, brother, sister and best friend, but I am trying hard to unshackle myself from this. It is one of the last things holding me back from creating relationships with others.
I still will never live in Los Angeles, as beautiful as the weather is. I don't think I will ever be able to dissociate that city with the person I used to be in the environment I used to be a part of.
While I'm done complaining about a time long ago, I will never stop being proud of myself. It is not the arrogance of someone who has found success that I demonstrate, but the gratitude of someone who has survived.
My sense of self-worth has never been higher. It seems like a lifetime ago when I lived a life and believed in ideas that were dominated by others. While I am positive that this growth was able to occur only after my father's departure from my family, I sometimes wonder who that 11 year old girl would have became if otherwise. "I'd have 2 babies by now if I stayed in LA" is a joke I've used with various friends, but there lies real truth behind it.
I have this theory that because my father so blatantly belittled my being I ran and looked to the opposite sex for comfort and affirmation in my beauty and ability. It is the cliche "daddy issue", but I'm not embarrassed to say that it was my own.
I don't hate him, nor do I ever wish that he wasn't biologically responsible for me. Because for all that it's worth, I am a product of him. Through his neglect, I was able to find independence; through his abuse, I was able to find my own strength. I, however, do not love him. When speaking of him, it is hard to refer to him as my "father". He has sinced moved back to Nigeria, and started a third life for himself there.
Today, I see myself in this light: I am able-bodied, I am educated, I am passionate, and I am capable. I see my flaws, which are my impatience and my self-isolationist habits. I still mistrust and distance myself from everyone other than my mother, brother, sister and best friend, but I am trying hard to unshackle myself from this. It is one of the last things holding me back from creating relationships with others.
I still will never live in Los Angeles, as beautiful as the weather is. I don't think I will ever be able to dissociate that city with the person I used to be in the environment I used to be a part of.
While I'm done complaining about a time long ago, I will never stop being proud of myself. It is not the arrogance of someone who has found success that I demonstrate, but the gratitude of someone who has survived.
Jun 15, 2010
BK - Chillin'
I've been in the city of New York for less than 3 weeks and I already know that I'm moving here after graduation. Expensive yes, but that's the tradeoff for living in a place where there's ALWAYS something to say and do.
In these short 3 weeks, I went to the Roots picnic, scored 2 free bottles of liquor, went running in McCarren Park, went to a Elle Women in Music event, snuck my way into VIP, drank the 2 free bottles of liquor with my roommates, went to Brooklyn Bowl, had adventures with my sister, met up with many different people for drinks.
And I'm sure I'm forgetting shit.
I also just got hired at Pranna, a pretty cool restuarant on E. 28th and Madison. I start this Thursday. I'm sure a few posts will be dedicated to that.
Anyways, it's been a very eventful stay so far. Really, I just want to be able to spend a night in, but so far that's a pipe dream. I NEED TO QUIT SMOKING!!!!
In these short 3 weeks, I went to the Roots picnic, scored 2 free bottles of liquor, went running in McCarren Park, went to a Elle Women in Music event, snuck my way into VIP, drank the 2 free bottles of liquor with my roommates, went to Brooklyn Bowl, had adventures with my sister, met up with many different people for drinks.
And I'm sure I'm forgetting shit.
I also just got hired at Pranna, a pretty cool restuarant on E. 28th and Madison. I start this Thursday. I'm sure a few posts will be dedicated to that.
Anyways, it's been a very eventful stay so far. Really, I just want to be able to spend a night in, but so far that's a pipe dream. I NEED TO QUIT SMOKING!!!!
May 27, 2010
Master Cleanse
Ehh, I've been feeling blah lately. I don't sleep soundly, my skin has been breaking out, and food just really isn't sitting well with me lately (but I still eat... sorry for tmi).
So I've been doing some research and 9 times out of 10 I am pointed in the direction of the Master Cleanse, which is a 10-day fast where you only drink a lemonade-cayenne pepper drink and do frequent salt water flushes to rid the body of toxins.
Since I've started eating chicken and turkey again (I still haven't had pork or red meat in over 10 years), I'm fully aware of all of the foreign substances entering my body- antibiotics, trace amounts of waste, mercury, etc etc
I eventually want to ease my way into a vegan diet at some point, but I don't think I'll be able to just wake up and make the transition. I don't want to be a vegan for life, but just for a couple of months to kick start my metabolism, digestive tract, energy levels and mental clarity.
I think that doing a Master Cleanse beforehand will help ease that transition beautifully. We'll see.
Go Suns!
So I've been doing some research and 9 times out of 10 I am pointed in the direction of the Master Cleanse, which is a 10-day fast where you only drink a lemonade-cayenne pepper drink and do frequent salt water flushes to rid the body of toxins.
Since I've started eating chicken and turkey again (I still haven't had pork or red meat in over 10 years), I'm fully aware of all of the foreign substances entering my body- antibiotics, trace amounts of waste, mercury, etc etc
I eventually want to ease my way into a vegan diet at some point, but I don't think I'll be able to just wake up and make the transition. I don't want to be a vegan for life, but just for a couple of months to kick start my metabolism, digestive tract, energy levels and mental clarity.
I think that doing a Master Cleanse beforehand will help ease that transition beautifully. We'll see.
Go Suns!
May 17, 2010
May 12, 2010
One Step Closer
Junior year is finally over. About 2 weeks since over (thank god). I'm still attempting to recover from my near-epic burnout, but this year more than any I've learned a lot.
It may sound cliche, but the most important lessons aren't taught in classrooms. With the organizations I've been a part of my introverted self has learned how to better be a part of a team, write proposals and grants, and network with people. I still struggle to effectively manage my time, but that's something that'll come eventually, right?
I've finally become comfortable with myself. I'm fully aware of what I like and dislike. I know the kinds of people that I want (and need) to surround myself with. Socializing is fun, but it's not everything. This year, more than any, I feel old. Not wrinkly and crochety old, but "I know things" old. And once again, I know myself.
Neuroscience majors often continue on at medical or graduate schools to get that second piece of paper. Don't get it twisted- holding an M.D. or P.h.D. sure is lucrative, but I'm not sure if I want to spend more paper for a piece of paper just to make paper in the future... seems a little counterintuitive. On a deeper tip, being able to use your knowledge and skill to better humankind is honorable, but only if you're committed. And as selfish as it may sound, I'm not so sure I'm committed, let alone interested, anymore.
I love science, I love biology, but I love music and the business more. The production, the deals, the shows, new talent... it's exciting! It shapes culture, it follows culture, it is a statement of what our culture is and where it is relative to others. I'm not into the fame. I don't want to be recognized by millions; I'm too private a person to ever want that. What I do want is for those in the industry to know that I'm a hard worker, that I can eye-spy emerging talent, that I can destroy deadlines with quality work.
And thankfully this summer I can do just that. I'll be interning with Okayplayer (http://www.okayplayer.com/) and doing some stuff with Cornerstone Promotions, which will be promoting for Reflection Eternal's comeback album. A fucking great opportunity, no?
Anyways, I'm moving to Williamsburg, Brooklyn in a few weeks. How many college kids can say they lived in the city that never sleeps doing what they really want to do, solo-dolo?
I am truly blessed. Wish me luck.
It may sound cliche, but the most important lessons aren't taught in classrooms. With the organizations I've been a part of my introverted self has learned how to better be a part of a team, write proposals and grants, and network with people. I still struggle to effectively manage my time, but that's something that'll come eventually, right?
I've finally become comfortable with myself. I'm fully aware of what I like and dislike. I know the kinds of people that I want (and need) to surround myself with. Socializing is fun, but it's not everything. This year, more than any, I feel old. Not wrinkly and crochety old, but "I know things" old. And once again, I know myself.
Neuroscience majors often continue on at medical or graduate schools to get that second piece of paper. Don't get it twisted- holding an M.D. or P.h.D. sure is lucrative, but I'm not sure if I want to spend more paper for a piece of paper just to make paper in the future... seems a little counterintuitive. On a deeper tip, being able to use your knowledge and skill to better humankind is honorable, but only if you're committed. And as selfish as it may sound, I'm not so sure I'm committed, let alone interested, anymore.
I love science, I love biology, but I love music and the business more. The production, the deals, the shows, new talent... it's exciting! It shapes culture, it follows culture, it is a statement of what our culture is and where it is relative to others. I'm not into the fame. I don't want to be recognized by millions; I'm too private a person to ever want that. What I do want is for those in the industry to know that I'm a hard worker, that I can eye-spy emerging talent, that I can destroy deadlines with quality work.
And thankfully this summer I can do just that. I'll be interning with Okayplayer (http://www.okayplayer.com/) and doing some stuff with Cornerstone Promotions, which will be promoting for Reflection Eternal's comeback album. A fucking great opportunity, no?
Anyways, I'm moving to Williamsburg, Brooklyn in a few weeks. How many college kids can say they lived in the city that never sleeps doing what they really want to do, solo-dolo?
I am truly blessed. Wish me luck.
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